


Moon Kingdom Misadventures

by haruka



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Sailormoon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haruka/pseuds/haruka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this AU Sailormoon fic, reformed enemies are living in the Moon Kingdom along with the royal family, their friends and protectors.  In this AU Sailormoon fic, reformed enemies are living in the Moon Kingdom along with the royal family, their friends and protectors.  It began as part of an old RPG where I played Zoisite, so to start he'll be telling random stories of incidents and interactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Moon Kingdom Misadventures (Sailormoon)

Part 1

By Haruka (haruka@ymail.com)

\--

I had heard that Nephrite acquired some rare wine during a Gate to Earth, and decided to slip some out of his room and try it. This proved harder than I expected, because he had put up a magical shield, barring entrance through door or teleportation.

The first spell I attempted just dissipated as it came into contact with his barrier. The second, more powerful spell bounced back at me so hard I had to dive out of the way to avoid being blasted!

Of course, as I lay sprawled inelegantly on the floor, I heard the tell-tale laughter that proved I’d been seen. I scowled, recognizing the condescending sound and its source.

“Shut up, Yaten, I don’t need you right now,” I snapped. Truthfully, I didn’t need Yaten Kou _anytime_. He was a major snob, and rude besides. What’s more, he was under the delusion that he was prettier than I was, just because he was part of an idol group and a model.

Yaten smirked at me as I got to my feet with as much dignity as I could muster, brushing dust off my uniform. His green eyes met my own. “Sure, you’re doing so well by yourself that I can tell you don’t need anyone.”

I stepped forward, glaring, trying to look menacing. However, while Yaten is small in stature, I’m just as tiny. Height is a necessity if you really want ‘intimidating’ to work effectively. “This is none of your business, blondie, so just back off.”

Yaten raised an eyebrow and glanced toward Nephrite’s door. “It might not be my business, but I fail to see how anything in Nephrite’s room is your business, either.”

He wasn’t going to leave, I could tell. “Fine!” I said in exasperation. I never did have any patience. That and my temper are my worst traits (or so I’ve been told repeatedly.) “I’ll tell you why I wanted in. He brought home some rare wine from Earth and I just wanted a sample. That’s it!”

Yaten grinned slyly. “Why didn’t you say so? I’ll bet I can get some.”

I snorted derisively. “You don’t have any magical ability beyond your transformation and attacks, and if you attack the door, it bounces back at you.”

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t ask for an analysis, Zoisite. I’m asking if you’re willing to make a bet?”

I folded my arms. “You’re betting that you can get the wine?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, you’re on,” I said. “But if you lose, you have to STREAK through the dining room during breakfast tomorrow morning, and I _do_ mean naked.”

“All right.” Yaten’s eyes were twinkling. “But if I win, _you_ have to do it.”

I felt a twinge of uneasiness. It was one thing for Yaten to be humiliated like that, but another for it to happen to me. The Starlights weren’t protecting anyone here officially, so he had nothing to lose. But on the other hand, I’d have to answer to both my Prince AND Kunzite-sama if I had to go through with it.

“Having second thoughts?” Yaten pressed, and he looked so smug that I didn’t hesitate a moment longer.

“Not at all!” I retorted. “Go ahead, be my guest.” I swept an arm toward the door. “Give it your best shot and see what happens.”

“I never said I was going to use magic,” he sniffed and turned on his heel, walking away down the hall.

“Where the hell are you going?!” I demanded. “Are you forfeiting already?”

“Of course not,” he said, stopping at the end of the hall and peering around the corner before looking over his shoulder at me. “But if you interfere that will mean YOU’RE forfeiting.”

“Interfere with what?” I asked in frustration.

Yaten closed his eyes and I saw a shimmer surround him. I realized he was changing to his female form. Gender-changing was something only he and the other two Starlights could do.

When the distortion cleared, Yaten’s body was no longer that of a sixteen-year-old boy. She was all girl. And smirking at me.

“What exactly are you doing?” I asked with narrowed eyes.

“Watch and see,” she replied lightly. “But stay out of sight.”

With that, she disappeared around the corner, and I heard her say in a silky tone, “Hello, Nephrite.”

What?! I carefully looked into the next corridor and saw Nephrite lean against the wall, trying to look like the stud he thought he was, gazing down (way down) at little, curvy Yaten. I could only imagine the view he was getting from that angle.

“Hello yourself, Yaten,” he drawled. “What can I do for you?”

“Well …,” Yaten played with the end of her ultra-long, white-blonde ponytail and gazed up at him coyly, “I heard a rumour that you brought back something special during your last Gate to Earth.”

“I did indeed,” he confirmed, studying her. “A bottle of very expensive, very rare wine.”

She smiled. “Then the rumours _were_ true.”

“Did you, by any chance, want to sample some?” he asked throatily, moving a little closer to her.

“I would,” she confessed, looking almost innocent (which must have been a REAL stretch for her.) “If it’s all right.”

“It’s more than all right, sweetheart,” Nephrite said with a chuckle and stroked her blonde bangs from her eyes. “But we’ll have to keep it a secret – do you have any problem with coming into my room for it?”

Yaten beamed sweetly. “Not at all. Let’s go.”

I ducked into a nearby bathroom and kept the door open a crack so that I could watch the two of them stroll into Nephrite’s room. He even held the door for her. The last thing I saw before the door shut was Yaten winking at me over her shoulder.

I waited tensely. I knew that Yaten wasn’t going to stay in Nephrite’s presence any longer than she had to in order to obtain the wine, and I also knew that while he considered himself a charmer, he wouldn’t force her to stay once she wanted to go (hey, he might be an egotistical jerk sometimes, but he’s still one of the Four Heavenly Kings.)

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the door opened and Yaten came out, waving back at Nephrite. “Thanks for the sample!” she said, and closed the door.

I burst out of the bathroom. “Well, where is it?!” I demanded.

“Where is what?” she asked.

“The wine! You were supposed to get the wine for us!”

“That wasn’t the bet,” she said with that annoyingly smug smirk. “The bet was that I could get wine, not give any to YOU.” She blew in my face and I coughed – the smell of wine was definitely on her breath. “And I got it.”

I guess the full realization of my loss must have shown on my face because she laughed at me and patted my back. “Don’t worry, Zoisite – you could always try wearing a paper bag over your head when you streak through the dining room tomorrow morning!”

It took all of my willpower NOT to hurl an ice crystal at her back as she walked away, still giggling at my expense.

Did I go through with my penalty for losing the bet? Yes. Did I wear a paper bag? No. With everyone else in the palace seated for dining, it wouldn’t be hard to figure out who I was, anyway. Did I catch hell for it? Yes and no. The Prince, after hearing the full story, seemed more amused than angry. However, Kunzite-sama lectured me for a good half-hour about making childish bets and disgracing my position as a member of the Shitennou by exposing myself in front of the royal family and the court (although I ran through so fast I don’t think anyone could have seen much.) Then he assigned me to extra training sessions and sentry duty for three days.

However, that night in bed he shared some of Nephrite’s wine with me. I guess there’s something to be said for pulling rank.

Oh, and am I going to get even with Yaten? You BET. ;)

 

Zoisite

\--

(2004)

Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

This fic is not to be re-posted.


	2. Chapter 2

Moon Kingdom Misadventures (Sailormoon)

Part 2

By Haruka (haruka@ymail.com)

\--

I can’t believe this is happening. I couldn’t talk about it before, but now I can (no, I HAVE to, or I’ll explode, and Zoi-explosions are not a good thing!)

One of the miracles that came out of those battles I mentioned last week was that one of our worst enemies ended up being ‘reborn’ thanks to Sailor Moon’s Moon Healing Escalation attack. This is of particular interest to me and the rest of the Shitennou because Queen Beryl is the one who brainwashed us and had us working for her in the Dark Kingdom. In fact, she’s the one who killed me in a previous life!

BUT since she’s reborn/reformed, I can’t hold any grudges. After all, I was in the same situation myself. So I can deal. I can even deal with the fact that they brought her here to the Moon Kingdom. She used to live in this court before she was evil, just like we did.

However, after watching Luna and Artemis take her into a private meeting, then later seeing Kunzite-sama join them, I began to get an uneasy feeling. I guess I wasn’t the only one, because a crowd of us had gathered outside the room by the time they came out and dropped the bomb.

Beryl (no longer Queen) is to be our new tutor/den mother. The ‘adult figure’ we were all afraid of having because it would cramp our style and cut down on the freedom we have (well, when I’m not working, that is.)

Not everyone has to worry about this, just those of us who are underage (and lucky me, I’m the only one of the Shitennou who can still make that claim.)

So somehow, despite my memories being restored, coming back to serve my Prince, and freeing myself from Queen Beryl, I somehow end up back in a position where I have to defer to her. It’s so funny I could just throw up.

\--

It's getting so that I hate the sound of my own name.

"Zoisite, stop talking!"

"Zoisite, are you listening?"

"Zoisite, stop daydreaming!"

"Zoisite, what did I just tell you?"

"Zoisite, sit back down, I haven't dismissed the class."

"Zoisite, pay attention."

"Zoisite, repeat what I just said."

"Zoisite, let me see what you've written."

"Zoisite, do you want to stand in the hall?" (I probably shouldn't have answered 'yes' to that one, because it led to: "Zoisite, you're as difficult now as you were in the Dark Kingdom!")

It sounds from the above that all I do is make trouble in Beryl-sensei's classes but that's not true. She's picking on me. It's not like I'm the only kid who ever glanced out the window and wished I were outside, but damn if I'm the only one who can't get away with it. If I _really_ wanted to cause trouble in class, I could, but I haven't.

The first time Kunzite-sama came up behind me and said my name on Friday evening, I nearly screamed, "WHAT?!" at him. Thank Heavens I didn't. However, I _did_ do it when Beryl called my name while making room checks at bedtime. She caught me standing in Fish Eye's doorway chatting (my room is in another wing of the palace.) 

Right in front of Fish Eye, she scolded me, saying that if my attitude doesn't improve, she'll have to take action. I have no idea what that means, but I know I don't like it.

Signed, The Person Whose Name Has Been Used Enough Lately

\--

The last time we had a party here in the Moon Kingdom, I was bored. Really, there are just TOO many parties. The Princess is fond of them, but they’re always the same. Buffet, punch, dancing – it’s all good, but never changes much. So I decided this last time to do something about it.

I stole a bottle of Moonflower Wine from the royal cellar. It’s a wonderful, rare wine – you can only find it on the Moon, and other planet monarchs are always thrilled to receive some as a gift. By itself, it has a taste as perfect as any you’ll find in an expensive wine, and better than most. Mixed with other liquids, the taste all but disappears, but the extreme potency of the alcohol remains.

To make a long story short, I spiked the party punch with Moonflower Wine (the entire bottle save one swallow I kept for myself) and stood back to enjoy the ‘festivities.’

Everyone except for the Mooncats had some of the punch, finishing off at least one glass of it each. Here are my observations of what everyone did while under the influence:

 

Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion got into a screaming match and cancelled their engagement (they forgot they’d done so the next day.)

Sailor Pluto and Sailor Neptune sang a drunken rendition of the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ theme song, emphasizing the ‘POOH’ part (probably because Small Lady’s nickname for Pluto is ‘Puu’, which is pronounced the same way.)

The four Inner Senshi held a competition to see which of them could perform the sexiest strip tease.

Jadeite and Nephrite slavered over aforementioned competition and howled like the dogs they are (if their votes counted, I think Mercury won.)

Tiger Eye and Ves Ves had a whip-fight, narrowly missing injuring several people (including me, those idiots!)

Jun Jun walked on her hands on the buffet table, not noticing or caring if she walked right through plates of food.

Palla Palla sat in Serenity’s throne and kept yelling ‘Off with their heads!’ while Sailor Saturn wielded her Silence Glaive like she intended to follow her bidding.

Fish Eye and Sailor Star Healer giggled endlessly and showed each other their respective transformations over and over (I tried not to step on the lion fish that flopped and gasped for breath on the floor, especially as the fins and tail are poisonous.)

Sailor Star Maker recited poetry. Not unusual for her, except this time it was all dirty limericks.

Hawk Eye built a nest in the chandilier.

Sailor Uranus and Sailor Star Fighter made out like bandits in the middle of the dance floor (have I mentioned that they hate each other?)

I think Ail and An went skinny dipping in the bathing pond. At least they were heading in that direction, leaving their clothes behind.

Small Lady and Erios disappeared completely from the party. They weren’t found until morning, where they were discovered sleeping under a stairwell. They claim not to remember anything they were doing.

And finally, Kunzite-sama. I’m glad to say he didn’t do anything weird, although he was a little more wild in bed that night than usual. Not that I minded!

Unfortunately, he also was able to figure out that I was responsible for spiking the punch (since I was the only one the next day who didn’t have a major hangover.) As punishment, I had to clean up the ballroom alone (and some of those people had started their hangovers all over the floor, if you know what I mean …) When everyone had recovered and gathered for dinner that night, I also had to stand up and tell them all that I was the guilty party and apologize publicly (boo, hiss.) I was forbidden from attending the next party, which I’ll have to spend in my quarters. Considering they’ll never be able to top this last one, I don’t really mind.

\--

(2004)

Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

This fic is not to be re-posted.


	3. Chapter 3

Moon Kingdom Misadventures (Sailormoon)

Part 3

By Haruka (haruka@ymail.com)

\--

I decided today that I just didn’t feel like dealing with Beryl-sensei’s classes, so I asked Fish Eye and Yaten if they wanted to go to the mall. Yep, I keep hanging out with these two guys whom I’ve also fought with a lot. We’ve come to the conclusion that we may as well be best friends (albeit tumultuous ones), since we have so much in common.

Anyway, they were as eager to cut school as I was if it meant a trip to the mall, so we gated to Earth.

Our first order of business was to check out all the coolest clothes stores. I can magic my own clothes, and so can Fish Eye, so we don’t have to buy anything – we just shop for fashion ideas. Yaten, on the other hand, has to do things the traditional way.

Yaten, like all the Three Lights, can change gender. Problem is, Yaten looks pretty and girly even in boy form (not unlike myself and Fish Eye. See what I mean about stuff in common?) This was proven when Yaten chose an outfit to try on and headed for the men’s changing room.

“You can’t go in there!” the sales clerk protested. “Girl’s changing rooms are over there!”

Yaten can be pretty nasty when someone gets in his face, even though he’s almost as short as I am. “Do you know who the hell you’re talking to?!” he demanded. “I’m Yaten Kou of the Three Lights!”

The clerk was about a million years old and wasn’t up on modern music. “And I’m Cleopatra of the Nile. No girls in the men’s changing room!”

“She about old enough to be Cleopatra,” Fish Eye whispered to me and I snickered.

Yaten eventually gave up on arguing and stalked off to the girl’s changing room. No one protested his presence as he passed.

Once we finally got out of that clothing store (Yaten didn’t buy the outfit, just out of spite), we must have entered the modern world again because suddenly there was this deafening scream:

“LOOK! It’s Yaten Kou!”

I was going to grab Yaten and teleport to a safer locale, but the idiot started to run, and Fish Eye took off after him. I swore and then did the same, with about fifteen teenagers chasing us (were they all cutting school, too?)

I almost lost sight of my friends, but saw Fish Eye’s blue ponytail disappear into another store. I teleported inside and the other kids lost us.

I realized I was in a pet store, and that made sense, since Yaten doesn’t get along well with people, but he LOVES animals. Me, I can take them or leave them, and I find pet stores kind of smelly, even if they’re clean.

Yaten was standing in front of a cage of kittens. I’d never seen that expression on his face before. He was smiling and his green eyes were gentle, he looked enchanted, softer. I barely recognized him.

Not wanting to break the spell, I went looking for Fish Eye. Not surprisingly, he’d gone straight to the aquariums. I was heading over when I saw him scoop out a fish and SWALLOW it!

“Fishie!” I hissed, hurrying to grab his arm before he could do it again. “You can’t do that! Not only is it stealing, but it’s gross!”

He pouted. “These are from my area of the Amazon. They’re my natural food.”

“Yeah, when you’re in fish form, but right now, you’re not!” I began hauling him toward the exit. “Yaten,” I said as we passed, “we’ll be in the food court. I need to get something normal in Fish Eye’s mouth before he depletes this store’s fish supply!”

Yaten said something or maybe he just made a noise. He was petting a bunny and I didn’t exist.

At least Fish Eye still had an appetite – he dug into the fishburger I bought for him. I was enjoying my fries when I heard the sound of a leaky tire. “Psst! Psst!” I looked over and saw the source was a guy my age or younger, sitting with a couple of friends. They were all leering at us.

“Hey, baby, you’re gorgeous!” he said to me. “Why don’t you and your pretty friend come sit with us?”

“We’re fine here,” I replied.

“Aw, come on, we don’t bite,” he said and gave me a sleazy wink. “Not in public.”

Under the table, I sent a little magic zap at one of his chair legs. It snapped and he fell on his butt. Fish Eye cracked up and so did slime-boy’s buddies.

Yaten came over then and gave the creeps a disinterested glance. “Are you guys done?” he asked us. “I’m not hungry, and I want to keep shopping.”

I think he was a little worried that stopping for too long would make it easier for fans to recognize him. While Seiya and Taiki are always nice to their fans, Yaten treats them as an annoyance.

We went to another clothing store, and right after we got there, I found a great outfit that I knew Kunzite-sama would love on me. I magicked a copy of it in front of the mirror and admired myself. Beautiful!

A sales clerk was watching me as I checked out some of the racks while waiting for the others. When we were done and walked out of the store, the clerk appeared suddenly, grabbing my arm. “You didn’t pay for that outfit you’re wearing!”

I gave her a cold look. “That’s because your outfit is still on the rack. I made this one with magic.”

“Do you think I’m an idiot?!”

“Frankly, yes. Now let go of me or you’ll regret it.”

She called security on me. I would have teleported out of there, but Yaten would have been stuck and his band didn’t need this kind of publicity.

We wasted an entire two hours in that store with security and that clerk, until their inventory could be counted and verified and I had demonstrated my ability to magic clothing several times. Fish Eye was whiny-bored by then, and Yaten was in a fine temper, threatening to tell his fans to boycott that chain of stores forever.

All I kept thinking was it was a good thing that they hadn’t asked for my parents’ phone number. _I_ could reach the people in the Moon Kingdom by cell phone, but I had magical help.

By the time they finally let us leave, none of us really wanted to hang out in the mall anymore, so we went home. And if our crappy trip to the mall wasn’t discouraging enough, then finding Kunzite-sama waiting at the palace gates for us was beyond depressing.

The three of us were given the longest, sternest, most brutal lecture (which was overkill, in my opinion) for cutting school. We were also informed that Beryl-sensei had agreed to hold a SPECIAL study session that evening, just for us. So we really didn’t gain anything except the aggravation we’d gone through on our excursion.

Next time I’m tempted to cut school for the mall, I think I’ll just sleep in class instead.

Zoisite

\--

(2004)

Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

This fic is not to be re-posted.


End file.
